my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
