So drunk its hurt
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
