I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Boobs speak an international language.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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