Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize