shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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