How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
