the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
