these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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