Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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