I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
