I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
false alarm. still invincible.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
And then he peed in my hair
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