Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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