She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
