HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
