Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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