i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
