dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
