well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
