when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My liver just had a heart attack.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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