His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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