I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
