I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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