Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
