well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
