the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
