i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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