Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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