Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
