I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
