I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
