Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
