yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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