I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
