HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
