Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
