I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
