he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
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Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
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you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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