meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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