just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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