I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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