Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
