Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
