before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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