that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
