mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
