I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
