he shaved USA in his pubs
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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