I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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