Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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