Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
