just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
