Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
