I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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