matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
