idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
