Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
