I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
