I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
