I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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