oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Randomize
