I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
