Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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