Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
