Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
