How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
