Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
